Only Love
by SssuperB
Summary: Addison and Derek have an encounter. Set in season 3, sometime before the three episode arc.
1. Only Love

**A/N: **This piece is written for my McWifey and bestest friend in the whole wide world. Tis a present to her for our ten month anniversary hehe. I hope you all enjoy. Please R/R.

_Don't be afraid to make it real ; Don't be afraid to feel tonight  
__Don't turn away, it's only love_

xXxXxXxXxXx

The expectations Addison had for her life were always fairly simple; get into medical school, become a surgeon, find the love of her life, have children, and live as close to happily ever after as could be. Addison had never expected any of this to happen. She never thought things would end the way they had; her life, her marriage, her career. Everything happened so suddenly. It always did; like a quick jolt, flashes of lightning, a rude awakening.

She could still remember the day she first ran into Derek, literally. There was a gross anatomy test that day and, being Addison Forbes Montgomery, she had studied all night for it, memorizing every term, every procedure. In a rush to get to class and get in some last minute studying, she crashed into him, sending their books flying to the floor. Addison had been shaken by it all. She looked up to see if he was alright, only to be comforted by his concerned eyes. He smiled and her knees went week, his awkward laughter sent her heart beating just a little faster. From there, their love hit them like a ton of bricks, falling way too fast and into each other's arms.

The night it all came crashing down was still vivid in her mind. Slow movements, roaring thunder, sweat-covered bodies, pouring rain, Derek standing at their bedroom door as Mark moved above her. Everything came and went in quick flashes, moving way too fast for Addison to keep up. Mark left. Derek grabbed her clothes. She chased after her husband, trying to make him understand. He threw her out. The door slammed in her face. He left, and Addison remained, wondering how her once envied life had changed so drastically and then disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Her marriage had ended, even after she chased him across the country and fought for his love, for their marriage. In the end, Derek chose his intern and that was it. Or it was supposed to be.

They were supposed to be moving on. He had Meredith and she had her ever confusing relationship with Mark. She even had her newfound lust and interest for her intern, Alex Karev. So it wasn't surprising that Addison was a little shocked that her ex-husband was pressing her up against the wall of a supply closet, his lips crashing upon hers and his hand creeping beneath her scrub top. The gentle grazing of his fingers against her ribcage sent shivers down her spine.

Addison kept telling herself that she should stop this. This was a mistake and Derek would come to regret this later. Being the other woman was not something she ever wanted to become. It wasn't who she was or who she wanted to be.

Her mind kept telling her to stop, but her body refused to listen.

It felt too right; Derek's soft lips upon her skin, his warm hand roaming the small of her back, and his gentle touch at the front of her scrubs. This was everything she'd had for over a decade. It was everything she lost when she let herself fall into bed with Mark. But Derek gave this up too, when he cheated on her at the hospital's prom. And although she never sought out the details of that horrid affair, she was sure it was common and dirty; two words she would never classify herself as. She shouldn't let this go on.

"Derek," she gasped when his lips reached the hollow of her throat, her hands pushing slightly back on his shoulders but not enough to actually be effective.

He cupped her cheek with his hand and moved back up to brush his lips against hers. "Shh, Addie," Derek whispered breathily, pressing his forehead against hers.

All thoughts of resisting, though, left her mind as Derek's hand came up to cup her breast underneath her scrubs, his thumb running back and forth across her nipple through the lacy fabric of her bra. His mouth resumed its descent on her skin, causing soft moans of pleasure to escape her lips. Her breathing quickened, chest heaving under his touch while he sucked gently on the delicate skin at the side of her neck. Suddenly, she brought her hands to the hem of his scrub top, tugging on it gently to pull it over his head.

It was then that Addison realized just how much she wanted this. She had tried to move on; sleeping with Mark (multiple times), lusting after an intern. None of it worked. No matter how hard she tried, her heart would always belong to Derek. He was still the man she saw sharing her future. He was still the one she wanted to create a family with. She had never really let him go and she was starting to think that she would never be able to.

Derek's shirt was shed and Addison's soon followed, the two pieces of fabric pooling together on the supply closet floor. One of his hands snaked around her to caress the smooth skin on her back. The tracing of random patterns made her skin hot underneath his touch. The fingers on his other hand danced around her abdomen, leaving goose bumps in their wake before coming to her waistband to pull on the drawstrings. Derek pushed her pants down passed her hips, letting them fall to her ankles so she could step out of them.

Her fingers tangled in his hair and drew him closer as he placed a trail of kisses where her bra met the smooth skin of her breast. A gasp escaped her lips when Derek suddenly pressed his fingers against her dampened panties, rubbing her slowly through the thin fabric. And to keep herself from moaning too loud, Addison sank her teeth down onto her lower lip, succeeding in only slightly muffling her cries of pleasure.

She was too focused on the movements of his hand between her thighs that she didn't notice him unclasping her bra and removing it. She threw her head back against the wall and pushed her chest out, however, once Derek lowered his mouth onto her nipple and pinched the other to a hardened peak between his thumb and forefinger. Her moans grew louder and her body started to respond to the new sensations. Arching her back, she pushed her breast further into his mouth as her hips began to move, pressing herself against his hand.

Derek suddenly switched his mouth to her other nipple and slid his hand down to the small of her back, pulling her towards him a bit. In one swift movement, he pushed her panties to the side and pushed a finger inside of her, soon followed by another. He started with a slow and steady pace, matching it with the swirling of his tongue over her nipple.

It wasn't long before Derek had her teetering over the edge, her nails digging into his shoulder as he curled his fingers upward inside her. Addison shut her eyes tightly, her muscles tightening around him as he continued pumping his fingers in and out of her. With a few more thrusts and Derek's sudden flicking of her clit with his thumb, she came crashing down on his hand, her muscles convulsing as she let out a loud moan.

Smirking, Derek moved up to kiss her on the lips languidly, holding her against him to keep her upright while he shed the rest of his clothing. He soon divested Addison of her panties and stared straight into her green eyes that were glazed over with desire. His hand went up and caressed her cheek with his thumb gently, a smile playing on his lips.

Addison looked into his face, breathing deeply, and studied him carefully as coherent thought came back to her. He was staring at her with _his_ look and was smiling at her with _his_ smile. It felt like it'd been so long since Derek had directed that look and that smile at her, because in reality, it had been. She couldn't bring herself to tear away from this moment, not now; not when things were going the way they were. Stopping wasn't an option anymore. She took his face into her hands and leaned forward, capturing his lips in a searing kiss.

He responded immediately to the kiss, darting his tongue out to trace her lips before slipping it between them, roaming the inside of his mouth. His hands came beneath her thighs and he lifted her up off the ground, entering her slowly. Their mouths parted and each let out a groan at the new sensation while he pressed his forehead against hers.

Derek soon found a steady rhythm, moving in and out of her as his lips found hers again before shifting downward to press several kisses to her jaw. Sounds of heavy breathing and cries of ecstasy filled the air as two sweat-slicked bodies moved against each other. Addison's body shuddered as waves of pleasure swept over her, his name upon her lips as she slumped over him. A few more thrusts and the warm feeling around him was enough to bring Derek to his climax, his head falling forward to the wall beside hers. He murmured her name into her dampened red locks and waited for the two of them to come down of their state of euphoria before moving away.

No words were exchanged as they both collected their clothing and put them on piece by piece. Her eyes stayed on him the entire time, watching him move about and straightening himself up, the things needing to be said hanging aimlessly in the air. There was so much to sort through and to talk about; no right thing to say or right place to begin.

She pursed her lips together as she tied her now unruly hair up into a bun. "Derek," she called out just as he was about to open the door and take his exit.

The question of 'what in the world are we doing' lingered at the tip of her tongue just waiting to be said, but she couldn't bring herself to utter it. He had just cheated on the woman he left her for and she, well, she might have just taken ten steps backwards and turned her whole world upside down. Whatever it was they were doing, it couldn't be any good.

"We're going back to work, Addie," Derek said knowingly, being able to read her like an open book. He threw her one of his McDreamy smiles and opened the door to leave, stepping into the hallway with one last look back at her.

Addison stood frozen and watched as the door closed, very much like the night Derek left the Brownstone. Only this time, everything had taken a whole different turn. There was a completely different atmosphere that surrounded her as things finally fell into place inside her mind. The Derek she saw today wasn't the same Derek she'd gotten used to while she lived in Seattle. He was looking at her the way he used to, smiling at her like they were still dating, touching her like he never wanted to let her go.

She wasn't supposed to have this overwhelming feeling of hope. They'd done so much to hurt each other and there was too much damage. Feeling this way could only be bad for her. But it was only love; a love she couldn't seem to let go, a love that, after today, Derek may still have. It was a love that still burned even after everything that had happened. Where they went next, only they could determine.


	2. Where's the Girl

**A/N: **Sorry for the ridiculously long wait on this update. It's been written for quite a while now, but at first was being retarded and wouldn't upload my doc. Then I just never got around to it because life got really hectic. Hope you guys enjoy this. I'll try to post the last part of the trilogy sometime soon. Please R&R.

_I can still feel her breathing beside me  
__And I know she remembers how fearless it feels ; To take off with the wind at her heels  
__She and I took this world like a storm_

Being a neurosurgeon, Derek had always had a great deal of confidence within him. He needed to always be sure of himself; especially in the OR where he held the life of another human being in his hands. Relying on instinct and believing that he was making the right decision was just as important as making the right incision. It was vital for him to be confident in his course of action, and inside the OR, that wasn't a problem. Outside, however, Derek was finding it harder not to question himself and the choices he'd made.

He had ended his marriage and was finally able to be with Meredith, getting everything he had wanted for months since Addison arrived in Seattle. His life was supposed to be perfect now. Meredith was by his side and despite their problems (her snoring, her secrets), they always seemed to be okay afterward. Comparing his life now to what he'd wished for during the last few months of his marriage, there wasn't a single thing out of place, but somehow, he wasn't as content as he'd thought he'd be.

As much as he hated to admit it, Derek missed Addison, on a level he couldn't seem to comprehend. Waking up to Meredith's muffled snoring through the wax earplugs wasn't the same as opening his eyes each morning to the sight of Addison's auburn hair splayed out across the pillow. Watching Meredith thoughtlessly throw on a shirt and some jeans before work wasn't nearly as much fun or exciting as seeing Addison contort her face over and over again while she contemplated which outfit she would be wearing for the day. It was something he had once found rather cute and sexy. He could almost remember a time when that was just a part of his daily routine, watching her get ready for work, something he wouldn't think of missing.

But Derek had found a way to forget how much he had looked forward to that every morning. He had somehow found a way to become indifferent toward her.

There was never an exact moment that he could pinpoint when it happened. It just had. Gradually, they had gotten too comfortable, too confident of their undying love for one another. Special occasions were forgotten, dates were cancelled, all because there would always be another time. And when those other times didn't come, it didn't matter because they saw each other everyday anyway. That had become his reasoning. It was never a matter of whether or not he loved Addison. He loved his wife. He just knew that she would always be there and waiting, but he'd miscalculated that part.

Finding Addison in bed with Mark, who was supposed to be his best friend, wasn't something Derek had been prepared for. That was the first time his confidence and maybe even his love for the both of them ever faltered. Everything that he had thought he had known shifted. His best friend since childhood betrayed him in one of the worst ways possible, and he finally realized that Addison wouldn't always be there anymore. In retrospect, Derek knew he had pushed her into the arms of Mark, but that night, that was not what he saw.

What he saw was Addison's infidelity and the breaking of their wedding vows. What he felt was the shattering of all of the dreams that they had ever aspired. In that moment, he was blinded by his rage and the sting of her betrayal.

That night Derek closed himself off from her, trying to protect himself from any further pain she could inflict. All he could think of doing was running as far away as he could from everything. He couldn't look at her without seeing the image of Mark moving above her. He couldn't be in the Brownstone and not picture all of the wonderful moments that they had shared there, the moments that were quickly fading away, replaced by their darkest times.

Derek didn't want to deal with any of the repercussions of his wife's affair, so he fled, ending _Derek and Addison_ and going all the way to the other side of the country. It was here in Seattle that he met Meredith. He would have liked to have been able to say that he had stopped loving Addison when he started falling for Meredith, but that clearly hadn't been the case when he couldn't sign the divorce papers Addison gave him upon arriving. Nevertheless, Meredith was, as he'd once said before, like taking a breath of fresh air. She was a new face, someone he shared no history with. He became enamored with her, enough to finally end his marriage to pursue a real relationship.

That was all good and well, except now, Derek wasn't so confident about what he'd done. He found himself yearning for Addison and had even gone as far as dragging her into a supply closet to have sex. This was not what he had envisioned when he broke things off with her to be with Meredith. The feelings that he had once had for his ex-wife were rising in him again. The indifference was gone and they'd gotten some kind of closure for their affairs. There wasn't anything in the way of him seeing her, for who she is, the woman that he had fallen in love with over a decade ago.

Standing on the veranda as he contemplated the perplexities of his current situation, he caught a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye. Derek turned his head from the lush Seattle landscape, unmarred due to the absence of the usual rain beating on the large glass window. His gaze fell upon Addison who was walking in his direction, a file in hand as her heels clicked against the linoleum. He couldn't help but notice her long, slender legs extending from the bottom of her skirt and the way her hips swayed slightly with each step she took. How he'd stopped appreciating such things was beyond him. Addison was once his, and he'd given her up.

She looked up and their eyes met for a moment, her feet staying planted as she kept his gaze. A silent exchange was made and Derek gave her one of his brilliant smiles, masking whatever inner turmoil he was facing. Addison, however, maintained a solemn expression, a visible sigh escaping her lips. She tore her gaze away from his and slowly made her way across the rest of the veranda, disappearing through the doors.

Derek let out a sigh of his own and leaned against the railing, looking out at the greenery and glancing up to see the flag flowing in the wind. What was going on with Addison was obvious to him. He could read her just as well as he could when they were still happily married. Their liaison the other day was wearing her down. It was clear that everything was beginning to take its toll on her.

Addison was not the same woman he used to know, having changed in so many ways. She wasn't as lively or confident as she once was, and that, Derek knew, was partially his fault. He had made her like this through his indifference, his indecisiveness, and his overall treatment of her. There'd been a time when he was the one who brought the brightest smile to her lips. She used to be one of the spunkiest and most energetic people he knew, and after chasing away all her happiness and hope, he just wanted to bring that back to her.

xXxXxXxXxXx

_It was a cold, autumn afternoon in Manhattan. Derek and Addison had been together for about six months and had just moved into their own apartment after much persuasion on Derek's part. Addison had been really reluctant at first and quite difficult, finding as many reasons not to do so as she could. But his charm and reassurances eventually calmed her nerves and got her to agree to move in with him._

_Derek was sitting on Addison's futon couch, trying to get as comfortable as he could on the ugly piece of furniture, when she entered the room with a brown paper bag in hand. Glancing up at her quickly, he noted how cute she looked in her tight jeans and white button up blouse. His eyes fell to the paper bag briefly, but he was too preoccupied to question her about it, figuring he'd find out soon enough anyway._

"_Let's go out," she said, making her way across the living room to stand in front of Derek._

"_Go out?" Derek asked somewhat incredulously. "Ad, we just got home and I have a human anatomy test to study for." He lifted the large textbook that had been sitting in his lap to emphasize his point._

_Addison sighed in mock annoyance and set the bag down onto the coffee table before taking a seat beside him. "Must I remind you that I'll be taking the same test? You know me, Derek. I would never go without studying. Come on, we can study later."_

_She began to pull at his arm, standing up from the couch to get more leverage. "It's just lunch. I'll help you study when we get back."_

"_Why are you so insistent about going out?" Derek inquired with a smile, looking up at her. He knew Addison had to be up to something. The look on her face told him everything. It was something he had developed early on in their relationship, the ability to read her and know what she was thinking. He found it to be amazing, how close they'd gotten in so little time. He couldn't remember ever having that with anyone else._

"_Why does it matter?" Addison retorted. "Can't I just want to go out with my boyfriend?" Her hands stopped tugging on him but she didn't let go as her eyebrow rose questioningly._

_She had the most innocent look on her face, resulting in his grin growing even wider. There was no sufficient way to describe the power Addison Montgomery had over him. From the day they'd met, all he wanted to do was spend every waking moment with her, and now that they were together, he just wanted to bring that radiant smile to her face._

"_Not when you have that look in your eye," Derek replied, standing up and cupping her face in his hands before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "So where are we off to, Addie?"_

_He could see her eyes light up in excitement as a grin spread across her face and he knew he had made the right decision. Anything that could bring a smile like that to her sweet face couldn't possibly be wrong in anyway._

_Addison brushed her lips against his briefly before she answered his question. "The Empire State Building."_

"_The Empire State Building," he repeated for clarification. "And why are we going there?"_

_She shrugged her shoulders and laced her fingers with his, picking up the paper bag on the table. "It has cute little viewfinders."_

_Derek let out a chuckle as she led him to the door. "You and your obsession with viewfinders," he laughed, shaking his head slightly as he grabbed their coats, knowing that it was going to be chilly out._

"_What's wrong with viewfinders?" Addison asked, taking her coat from him and putting it on as she maneuvered their lunch from one hand to the other and back again. _

_An eyebrow was cocked in his direction, causing him to laugh again. "Oh, but I like your obsession," he said, reaching up to pull the ends of her hair from beneath her coat and tucked the loose strands behind her ear. He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose, letting his thumb run along her jaw briefly._

"_You'd best," she said with a smirk before turning and walking out the door with Derek close behind._

_The car ride to their destination was quiet and playful. Addison still refused to tell him what her reason was for wanting to go to the Empire State Building despite his constant pestering. He even went as far as trying to bribe her, but she proved to be relentless, not giving up a single detail to him._

_After a long elevator ride up to the 86__th__ floor, the doors opened and Addison was the first to step out, heading immediately to the edge and looking out at the New York cityscape. Derek took a moment before following her out onto the observation deck, taking in her every curve and the pure excitement in her step. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, the cool breeze blowing through their hair._

"_I could never get tired of this," she said softly, turning to give him a smile as she leaned back against his body. _

"_Me neither." Derek pressed a kiss to her cheek, his words extending far beyond just this and everything physical._

_It wasn't about where they were at or what she looked like. The sun could be shining and bringing out the different shades of red in her hair, or the rain could be falling and running down her soft, smooth skin. None of those things mattered when he was with Addison, and the only thing that did matter was that he was the reason behind her alluring smile._

_The two of them went on to enjoy the turkey sandwiches Addison had packed in the brown baggie peacefully. Given the time of day and year it was, there weren't many tourists around, just people like them who'd come up to enjoy the view. It was still rather cold due to their elevation and the slight breeze despite the sun's rays beating down on them, so Derek kept his arms around her slender frame the entire time._

_When they finished eating, however, Addison wriggled herself out of his grasp and went over to one of the viewfinders and asked as she turned back to him, "Do you have any change?"_

_Derek chuckled and put his hand into his pocket, digging for some coins while he made his way to her side. He withdrew a couple of quarters and handed them to her. She took them gratefully and put them into the viewfinder, excitedly looking through it._

"_Take a look at this," she said after some time._

_He brought his eyes up to the lenses and looked through them. What he saw were some buildings, a large one situated in the midst of them. Turning to look at Addison, he wondered if that was what she wanted him to see._

_A small smile played across her face as she answered his silent question. "It's Mount Sinai Hospital. My dad used to work there, and when I was eight, he brought me up here and showed me this."_

_Derek straightened up and watched her as she seemed to get lost in the memory. He noticed a twinkle in her eye just as a breeze came and swept through her hair. In this moment, she looked so beautiful and he couldn't help but wonder what he'd done to get someone like her. He didn't want this to ever end._

"_That was the day I told him I wanted to be a doctor just like him and work there too," Addison continued. She laughed and shook her head slightly. "It's stupid, I know. I just…wanted to share that with you."_

"_Addie, it's not stupid," he said, bringing his hand up to brush the back of his fingers against her cheek. "Thank you for telling me." He smiled, glad that Addison was willing to share such a treasured memory with him. It made him feel as if he were closer to her, if that was even possible._

_Their lips met for a sensuous kiss, tongues gliding against one another's. Derek's hand went to the back of her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair as his other hand pulled her closer to him. He broke the kiss several moments later and looked into her eyes, having gotten a small idea for the two of them._

"_What do you say we make a pact, Ad?"_

_Addison raised her eyebrow and searched his eyes. "A pact?"_

"_Yeah, you and me," he answered with a nod. "One day we'll work at Mount Sinai and become two of the nation's greatest surgeons."_

_She laughed softly, her apparent happiness making him feel like all was right in the world. A more sweet resonating sound could not have existed, not to Derek. He couldn't get enough of her; the way her cheeks rose as she smiled, how her auburn hair perfectly framed her face, bringing out her best features. She was Addison Montgomery, and he never wanted to let her go._

_Holding her pinky out, Addison nodded firmly, a smile remaining on her lips after the laughter had died down. "Together?"_

"_Always." Derek grinned as he linked his finger with hers and pulled her close to him again._

xXxXxXxXxXx

The two of them were supposed to take on the life of a surgeon together, facing every challenge put before them and overcoming each and every one. Addison had always stayed true to their pact, but he hadn't. Over time, Derek had somehow forgotten to do things as _Derek and Addison_ and instead did things on his own. He stopped watching her surgeries. He didn't bother to tell her when he had a late surgery to perform. He just became too focused on his work rather than giving his attention to his wife.

Looking back on everything that had happened now, Derek couldn't find a single reason why or how he had lost sight of Addison, one of the greatest things that had happened to him. She hadn't done anything wrong, then. Things were never put before him on her list of priorities, nor did she forget birthdays, anniversaries, or everything in between. It was he who put them on the road to self-destruction.

Derek hadn't seen that before because he didn't want to. It was easier just to blame everything on Addison and her infidelity instead of reflecting on the wrongs that he'd committed towards her that had led them here. Now that things were over and everything was said and done, Derek didn't feel inclined to hate her. He couldn't blame her for going to Mark in the first place or staying with him after he left. He was the one who'd gotten lost and broke so many of his promises to her.

But the wrongs he'd committed needed to be righted, and Derek was adamant in doing that now. He needed Addison, for she brought out a side of him that no one else could, not even Meredith. She was his other half and nothing seemed to change that no matter what they'd put each other through over the years. His love had still survived. Otherwise, he wouldn't be feeling this way.

Deep down, Derek knew that he loved both Addison and Meredith deeply, but for very different reasons. Meredith was the one he'd turned to for comfort when things were at their worst with Addison. She made him feel important because when he was around her, he became McDreamy. There were rarely any faults put upon him, always a man of perfection worthy of being put up on a pedestal. With Addison it was different. She was a challenge, making him work for her love and appreciation even though it was unwavering. They had their fair share of problems and it'd brought them here to this horrible state, but at the end of the day, his heart still resided with her.

"Hey," came a high-pitched voice, interrupting him from his thoughts.

Derek turned to find none other than Meredith looking up at him with her wide, adoring eyes and her small smile. He had hoped to have more time to gather his thoughts and figure out everything that was going on in his head before having to talk to her, but luck apparently wasn't on his side.

He gave her an empty smile, unlike the smiles he'd gotten used to having while in Seattle, and greeted her back with a low, "Hey." Immediately, he could see the wonderment in her eyes and felt a slight twinge of guilt for having to do this to her. Hurting her was inevitable and he had to do it no matter how much he wished it wouldn't. He couldn't let her, or them, go on like this because it would all be a lie.

"Derek, what's wrong?" she asked softly, searching his eyes for an immediate answer.

Sighing, he shook his head slowly. Meredith didn't deserve to get hurt like this, and he didn't want to be the one to cause her any more pain, but he didn't know what else to do.

A hand went to rest on her arm gently. "Meredith, we need to talk."


	3. You Are My Home

**A/N:** So this is the final installment to my little trilogy. It is the longest fic I've ever written, given how many scenes it has, especially when compared to the first two parts. I hope you all enjoyed this. Please R/R as always. Any reviews or comments would be greatly appreciated.

_You are my home. You make me strong And in this world of strangers, I belong to someone  
__You are all I know. You're all I have. I won't let go_

It wasn't long before the news of Meredith and Derek's breakup reached Addison. She didn't really know what to make of it or how she should react. To say that she wasn't slightly relieved would have been a lie. She'd spent months knowing that Derek still had feelings for Meredith and wishing that they would go away. Now that it seemed be coming true, Addison wasn't sure what to do with herself.

The strange feeling of hope she knew she shouldn't have overcame her once again. There was no way to ever get rid of it completely, even when she knew very well that Derek breaking up with Meredith didn't guarantee them anything. It was simply a choice he had made based on whatever it was that caused him to change his mind, nothing more. She couldn't just assume that it was because of her, no matter how hard she wanted that to be true.

Escaping the hopes and feelings that came to mind caused by all of the rumors wasn't possible. It was everywhere she went, all the time, following her like a plague as she heard hushed whispers in every corner of the hospital. If they weren't interns spreading the gossip, they were nurses doing some of their own speculating. Other than the few secluded places she knew of, there was no way of getting away from it.

Suddenly, a loud clatter was heard as a chart dropped onto the counter beside her, disturbing her from her thoughts and causing her to jump.

"Are you sleeping with Derek?" Mark asked flatly, his hand on his hip as he leaned an elbow against the counter and stared at Addison.

She looked at him for a moment, the question having taken her by surprise though her mind had been contemplating the topic of Derek for some time. The forwardness was something she hadn't encountered much. It was always people talking when they thought no one was around, or that she couldn't hear them. No one ever talked directly to her about anything going on in the Seattle Grace gossip mill, but this was Mark, and she should have expected this from him, especially with his _confidence_, otherwise known as his cockiness.

"What? No," Addison answered, trying to act slightly surprised even though images of her and Derek's tryst in the supply closet were coming to mind. She broke their eye contact and looked back down at the post-op notes in front of her, knowing that he would probably be able to read her if she kept their gaze any longer.

"Really, because word has it that Derek has dumped Meredith for you, again?"

She continued to stare down at her chart, scribbling the necessary notes as she spoke. "This is news to me, so no. I am not sleeping with Derek, and I don't believe that is why he broke up with Meredith."

Her voice was calm despite the fact that she was technically lying. She had slept with Derek, but only once days ago, so she could hardly be blamed for the "unfortunate" demise of Derek and Meredith's relationship.

"Well, alright then," Mark said firmly with a nod as he straightened up a bit.

"Alright," she nonchalantly replied.

He reached out and brushed her arm with his hand to get her attention. "Go out to dinner with me tonight, Addison."

The physical gesture hadn't been needed to get Addison's attention. His request had been enough to cause her to look up from the chart. "What?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him slightly to try and figure out what he was getting at.

"Let's go out to dinner tonight," he explained. "We can go to a nice restaurant, and then go back to the ho—"

"No. No way, Mark," Addison cut him off before he could finish. "I'm not going to dinner with you, and we're not going back anywhere."

"Why not, Addison?"

She let out a small, disbelieving laugh and shook her head. "We've been through this before. You and I, we don't make a good couple, Mark. We didn't before, and we never will."

"You're still waiting for Derek," Mark stated matter-of-factly.

"I am not waiting for Derek," she said as firmly as she could, although her tone wasn't nearly as strong as she had hoped it would be. She turned back to the chart and tried to concentrate on finishing up her notes so she could get away from this.

He continued to speak, though she was no longer looking at him. "He left you, Addison, twice. And before that, he was never there for you. After everything he's done, you still want to be with him?"

Addison remained silent as Mark spoke, chewing on the side of her mouth lightly as she tried to ignore him but to no avail. On some level, he was right about everything. There were plenty of reasons why she should stop yearning for Derek. He'd been absent; he stopped seeing her, stopped caring. But in her mind, he was still Derek; the man she had always thought was supposed to spend the rest of her life with.

"Addie," Mark called softly when she didn't speak for quite some time. "You deserve better."

She suddenly slammed the pen down onto the chart and whipped her head around to turn and look at him, an astonished look on her face. "I deserve better?" she asked, her hand going to rest on her hip as she stared him down. "And who's better, Mark? You? You who cheated on me with _multiple_ women? I don't think so."

"Addison…"

"No, Mark. Just accept that there will never be anything between us. We're done here," she shook her head and grabbed the patient's chart, hastily putting it onto the appropriate rack before walking away without a glance back at Mark.

Addison understood where Mark was coming from, and she knew that she'd done her fair share of hurting him back. But she just couldn't do it. Sleeping with Mark the first time had been the biggest mistake of her life. Had she slept with anyone else other than her husband's best friend, maybe Derek could have forgiven her sooner.

Or maybe she really was Satan, the adulterous bitch who cheated on her husband with his best friend and the horrible woman who aborted her own baby. Maybe she didn't deserve better. Maybe she just deserved to be alone.

xXxXxXxXxXx

After breaking up with Meredith, Derek had spent much of his time outside of work thinking about Addison and how he was going to try to patch things up with his ex-wife. There were so many things he needed to make up for, he didn't know where to begin or what he could do to make everything right again.

Addison meant a lot to him and he'd lost sight of that, but he wasn't willing to lose her again, not without a fight.

When he entered the attending locker room and found Addison there changing out of her scrubs, he wasn't prepared in any way. He had hoped to at least know what he was going to say to her or have something to give her, but there was nothing. Derek just knew that he had to tell her something before it was too late and she found someone else or she thought that he didn't love her anymore, which he'd stupidly led her to believe.

"Hey, Addison," he greeted after a moment, watching her pull off her scrub top and admiring every curve of her body.

She looked up at him and gave him a soft, yet breathtaking smile, "Hey."

Derek smiled and let out a small sigh of relief, glad that she didn't seem to be mad or upset in any way. He took a few steps closer and sat down on the bench as she resumed changing her clothes, his eyes fixed on one of the lockers before him.

"I'm guessing you heard about me and Meredith," he said, slowly lifting his chin to look up at her.

"Yeah, I did," Addison said before she let out a small laugh. "It's kind of all over the hospital."

He chuckled uncomfortably for a bit, though slightly happy to see that she wasn't letting it bother her too much. He knew from the pensive look on her face when he walked in, however, that she wasn't doing as well as she pretended to be. She was battling her thoughts and feelings just as he was, trying to figure out what came next for all of them.

"Listen, Addie," Derek started, reaching out to her and pulling her down to sit beside him on the bench. "I broke up with Meredith because…I still love you. Now I know I've been an idiot, and I've done a lot of things that I can't take back, but I just—I thought that you deserved to know."

Derek watched her as she sighed and pursed her lips together, taking out the hair tie that was keeping her hair in a bun and letting her loose curls fall about her shoulders. She stared down at the elastic loop between her fingers and said nothing. With a feeling of dejection, he tore his eyes away from her and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees while he tried to form his next words.

This wasn't easy in any way. He was putting a lot out there, and he knew it was a long shot before they could ever be the two people who were so in love over a decade ago. There was a lot to work through and many obstacles to face, but in the end, he would be willing to go through all of it again for Addison.

He sighed and ran his fingers across his forehead. "Nothing has to happen right now or anytime soon. I'm not asking for you to forgive me right away," he paused and turned his head to look at her, waiting for their eyes to meet before he went on. "I'm just asking you to believe me when I tell you that I want to make things right again and get us back to the way we were."

Addison stared at him, seemingly searching his eyes. She stood and grabbed her lab coat from her locker before shutting it, putting the long, white coat on as she started to walk away.

His hopes of anything ever happening were just about gone when she suddenly turned around and spoke.

"I uh, I'm going to need some time," she said softly, "To think things through."

"Take as long as you need," he nodded.

With a sad smile and a barely audible "okay," she turned and exited the doors, leaving Derek with his thoughts.

Addison was going to think things through. That didn't bring them to where he wanted them to be, but it meant that there was still a chance for _Derek and Addison_. Things could still work out, and they could very well end up happy with one another. Only time would be able to tell what was next for the two of them.

For now, Derek was going to have to take things as they came and be wary of keeping his hopes up for Addison.

xXxXxXxXxXx

It was a mystery to Addison how her life had become so unbearably complicated. More often than not, she found herself missing the days when everything had an easy answer. Before, she was rarely forced to face life-altering decisions, and when she was, the correct choice would be clear after weighing the pros and cons of the situation.

Her current predicament wasn't so simple. If she chose not to try and work things out with Derek again, she might regret it for the rest of her life, but if she did, she was possibly setting herself up for another bout of pain and heartache.

"I love being a married woman," Callie proclaimed happily as she took the seat next to Addison and set her tray of mediocre hospital food down onto the table.

"What?" Addison asked distractedly, trying to take in what was going on around her for the first time since she sat down and began to think about her problems.

Eyes narrowed at her as Callie let out a noticeable sigh. "Is this another one of those 'everything's about Addison' moments, because my life can totally wait?" Callie asked with a hint of sarcasm but enough sincerity that she knew Callie was willing to listen.

She laughed softly and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "It might be, but I'll be nice this time and let you go first."

"It's not that important," Callie shrugged, "Just really happy about marrying the help."

"That's really great," she said, a small smile gracing her face in congratulations to her friend. "I'm glad that you're happy with him."

"Yeah, me too," Callie said, returning the smile. "So now, what's happening in the world of Addison?"

A sigh escaped Addison's lips as everything came back to her and she was reminded of how messed up her life truly was. She really missed her newlywed days when things with Derek were less complicated, their biggest concern being their exam on Friday, or what they could afford to have for dinner on a medical student's income (which wasn't very much).

"I slept with Derek," Addison answered after several moments of being lost in her thoughts. "Now he's broken up with Meredith and wants to give us another chance, and I—I don't know what to do anymore."

"Wow. So the rumors are true," Callie said seemingly shocked.

"Yeah," she sighed.

There was a long pause where neither of them spoke. Addison was too preoccupied with her thoughts and worries to think of anything else to say. Everything was right there in front of her. She was just supposed to make a decision, one that she didn't know how to make after everything that had happened.

Callie finally broke the silence, "Do you still love him?"

"I don't know," she said, shaking her head slowly. "I mean, I know a part of me will always love Derek. But am I still _in_ love with him? Do I love him enough to risk getting hurt again? That I don't know."

"Addison, I think you know what to do," Callie said as she sat up and got closer to Addison, her voice lowering. "You just have to follow your heart. Forget about all of the things you know and don't know. Do what feels right."

"I don't know what feels right."

"But you do," Callie insisted, putting her hand on Addison's arm and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Okay, when you look to the future, is Derek the one by your side?"

She gave Callie a look and didn't answer her question. She didn't have to. They both knew what she saw in her future, and that was Derek. It would always be Derek as long as they still had a chance. There was too much history to give up even if there had been a lot of pain, because when she looked hard enough deep within her, their blissful memories always shined through.

"Well there you have it," Callie smiled knowingly.

There she had it. Addison was finally done with all of the thinking and the contemplating, ready to give _Addison and Derek_ another chance at happiness. Once again, she was putting her heart on the line and giving Derek the opportunity to hurt her. She was well aware of that, but just the thought that they might make it through this and end up happy together made all of that pain seem worth it.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Derek was sitting in the trailer nursing some scotch when he saw headlights coming up the dirt driveway. He'd spent much of the day thinking about Addison and now hadn't been any different. She was all that was on his mind; whether or not she would allow them to get back together, if there was some way to win her over.

This was something he truly wanted. He was just afraid that he'd already ruined all of the chances of it ever happening.

Downing his scotch, he stepped out onto the porch and was surprised to see the familiar black car parked next to his Range Rover. He watched her carefully as she got out of the car and slowly made her way toward him, ending at the bottom steps of the porch. He observed her for several moments, trying to determine whether her visit would provide him with some sort of hope, or only shatter his dreams.

Her eyes were almost unreadable, having a certain sadness to them, but there was something else, something he could not put his finger on.

Addison climbed up the steps and walked toward him. Before he knew it, her soft hands were on either side of his face and their lips had met in a tender kiss. It was slow, enveloping him in a warm blanket of comfortable security.

She pulled away several moments later and took her hands from his face, however, keeping their close proximity. "Promise not to hurt me this time," she pleaded softly, looking up at him with her sad, but hopeful eyes.

That was what it was: hope. She still had hope for _Derek and Addison_, and that was all that he needed to make this work. He knew that as long as she still believed in them, he could make her remember just how good they used to be, reminding himself of that as well. Silently, he vowed never to forget again.

"I promise, Addie," Derek said as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, kissing her hair as he urged her head onto his shoulder. "I never wanted to hurt you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I know I've done so many stupid things that have caused you a lot of pain, but if you give me a chance, I promise to find some way to make it up to you."

He rested his cheek against her forehead as his hand absently rubbed her back. Moments later, Addison lifted her head from his shoulder to look up at him, bringing her hand up to gently stroke the side of his face.

"I believe you," she smiled softly and tilted her head up, pressing her lips to his in a deep kiss as her hand traveled to his chest.

It was sensual and languid, his tongue slipping between her soft lips to explore the contours of her mouth as he relearned her body.

His fingers knotted in her hair as she pulled him closer to her body, her hands roaming his back before coming forward to his chest. The beating of his heart quickened underneath her hand, his chest rising and falling at an increasing pace just as hers was.

Derek felt her unbutton the top button of his shirt and pulled away slightly, unsure if this was really the right thing to do at this time. He brought his hand up to brush her cheek with the back of his fingers, "Addie, are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure, Derek," she affirmed with a nod as her hand lovingly ran down his chest.

He took her gesture as a sign that everything between them was going to work out and that this was merely the beginning of a new chapter in their life. They may have gone through difficult times and caused each other pain, but they still managed to get back here, willing to go through all of it again if it meant that they could still be together.

In the grand scheme of things, this was all that mattered, not the adultery or the affairs, but their love for one another.

Opening the door, he led her into the trailer where their bodies were immediately pressed against each other again, hands sliding across the fabric of their clothing. His fingers worked on the zipper at the back of her skirt while she unbuttoned his shirt. He pressed a trail of kisses along her jaw and down her neck, eliciting a soft purr from the back of her throat as he pushed her backward slightly and guided her to the bedroom.

His shirt was shed quickly, getting left on the floor by the kitchen sink. Her skirt had pooled down to her ankles and she stepped out of it in front of the shower. After, they stood in the bedroom gazing at one another as they waited for the next move to be made.

Addison's hands slowly reached out, her fingers dancing along the bare skin above the waistband of his pants before moving down to unbuckle his belt. She worked unhurriedly, staring down at his body as she pulled his belt through the loops.

When she finished, he pulled her blouse over her head, leaving her clad in only her lace bra and matching panties before him. His fingertips traced random patterns onto her skin along her waist, admiring its silkiness underneath his touch. Reaching up as she undid his pants, Derek unclasped her bra and slid the straps down her arms, taking the time to gaze at her body and remember that this was what he was giving up if he were to ever mess this up again.

He urged her back onto the bed, laying her down as he divested his pants and went down to lie beside her. His eyes locked with hers for a moment, and she smiled before he lowered his lips to hers, kissing her softly and tracing her lips with his tongue.

He began to trail kisses down her neck as his hand ran along her side and up to cup her breast. As he moved further down, Derek pressed sweet kisses to her smooth skin, going to the valley between her breasts before kissing his way to her nipple. He encased it in his mouth, swirling and flicking it gently with his tongue, causing her to moan in pleasure.

His hand came up and palmed her other breast, running his thumb over her nipple and feeling it harden further. Her fingers tangled in his hair when he switched breasts, his tongue paying the same attention to her other nipple.

She brought her hand down, gliding it along his back and bringing it to the front of his boxers to cup him. The gentle stroking of her hand upon his increasingly hardening erection caused him to let out a groan, softly biting down on her nipple. She gasped and arched her back at the new sensation, pushing her breast further into his mouth.

Derek shifted and settled between her legs, hovering above her as he looked into her half-lidded eyes. One of his hands traveled up the inside of her thigh, going to rest at the convergence between her legs, a smile coming over him when he felt how damp her panties already were from her arousal. He watched as her eyes fluttered closed and her mouth fell slightly agape while he rubbed her through the lacy fabric.

A kiss was pressed to her chin and one to the side of her neck as Derek made his descent upon her body. He kissed the hollow of her neck, the sensitive skin between her breasts as her chest heaved up and down, and the top of her abdomen. When his lips reached the skin just below her navel and his fingers were pushing her panties to the side, brushing against her center, Addison gripped his shoulders and called for him.

He looked up and met her gaze, immediately knowing what it was that she wanted.

Tonight was about the closeness and their reconnection as they built the foundation to their relationship once again, not the instant pleasure or the height of their climax. Tonight, it was just about _Derek and Addison_.

Derek sat up and hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties, pulling them slowly down her long, slender legs before he discarded them with his boxers. Settling in between her legs again, he placed his hand on her hip as their faces hovered inches apart. He captured her lips, tracing the soft tissue with his tongue, mentally preparing for what was to come.

His hand slid down her thigh to the back of her knee and lifted it up as he pushed into her warmth, their lips breaking apart as both let out a groan at the sensation. He pressed his forehead to hers, holding still for a moment to let them adjust to the feeling of being so physically close again.

Addison soon sought his lips, draping her arm over his shoulder and insistently moving her hips against him, conveying to him that she was ready to take this further.

Slowly, he began to move above her, thrusting all the way into her depths as their tongues collided and danced around each other. Lifting her leg and keeping it around his waist, he explored every angle, listening to the sweet sounds of her moans of ecstasy and taking pride in knowing that it was he who was doing this to her.

She wrapped both her legs around his waist and pulled him deeper, causing a groan to escape their lips. She grasped his arms tightly when he suddenly quickened his pace, moving in and out of her as he hit just the right spots with each inward thrust.

Derek took one of her arms from around his neck and laced their fingers together above her head. With his other hand, he spread her legs further apart, increasing the length of his strokes as he pulled out of her almost completely and plunged into her, over and over again.

Her breaths came out in rapid spurts, moans growing louder with every thrust. He could feel her muscles beginning to contract around him as her hips bucked against his.

Removing his hand from her thigh, he slipped it around her back and pulled her to sit up, legs wrapped around his waist as he sat on the back of his legs. He continued to thrust into her, using his hands on her bottom to guide her hips and increase her pleasure.

She moaned, calling out his name as he brought her closer to her peak by pulling her down onto him with each thrust. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved faster above him, their sweat-covered chests gliding against one another as the grinding of their hips stimulated her bundle of nerves.

After being with Addison all of these years, Derek knew that when she was biting down on her lower lip to stifle that low moan and clenching her eyes tightly, it was because she was moments away from her orgasm. So he slipped a hand between their bodies and circled her clit with his thumb, pressing it harder as he felt her inner walls start to tighten around him.

His name escaped her lips over and over again as her legs trembled, body shuddering from the sheer euphoria and her muscles convulsed around him. With a few more thrusts, he came too, gently nipping at the salty skin of her neck, filling her completely as their bodies stilled apart from their heavy breathing. He pressed several fleeting kisses to her shoulder, holding her body close to him and feeling her heart beating rapidly against his chest.

When they caught their breath, Derek gently lay her back down against the mattress, pulling out of her and rolling over to lie beside her. He pulled her close to him and let her arm drape across his middle as he absently rubbed her back. Their eyes met as she looked up at him, and he pressed his lips to her forehead, smiling softly against her skin.

"Thank you for giving us another chance, Addie," he whispered softly, tracing small patterns onto her back and shoulder.

"You're my home, Derek," she snuggled against him. "This is where I belong."

He grinned and wrapped his arms around her tighter, "You're my home too, and I love you. I won't mess this up again. I can promise you that. Things won't always be perfect, but it'll be okay as long as we're together."

"I know," she said softly, both of them knowing that no matter how many fights they would go through or how lost they could get, _Derek and Addison_ always found their way back home to each other's arms.

xXx Five Years Later xXx

"Come here, sweetie," Addison said in her sweet voice as she held out her arms in front of her. "Come on. You can do it."

"Jules, go to Mommy," Derek coaxed, sitting between his wife and daughter with his legs underneath him, video camera in hand so as not to miss anything.

Little Julia Shepherd stood in her yellow Care Bear onesie dress, holding onto the side of their couch as she looked from her dad to her mom with her bright blue eyes. She had a perplexed expression on her face, small creases on her forehead. Her bottom lip stuck out in a small pout when her tiny hands left the cushion and she took a wobbly step toward her parents.

"That's it, baby," the two adults said together, glancing at each other and sharing a laugh before they turned their attention back to their baby.

Addison's eyes lit up as she watched her daughter take a few more small steps, feelings of pride and joy washing over her. She'd waited so long for this day. Maybe not this particular day, but she'd spent a lot of time picturing events such as this one: her baby's first step, first word, first everything. It was every woman's dream to create this little life that needed to be protected and cared for.

The perfection of her life amazed her. At times like this, she wondered where all of the time had gone and how she had managed to get here.

It felt like it was just yesterday that she was getting married to Derek for the second time after having worked through all of their issues. Getting over their past hadn't been an easy task, but they had managed to do it, finding their everlasting love for one another once again.

She could still remember the day she found out she was going to have a baby with Derek, how happy she was to finally get that chance. That night when he came home, she had a romantic candlelit dinner made with his favorite dish, and as they ate, she had told him the good news. Seeing the look of pure joy come to his eyes was one of the most breathtaking things she'd ever experienced, the way he looked at her with such love and affection. It was just magical.

After Julia took a few more steps, she started to lose her balance and fell on her bottom with a small thud moments later. Her lip started to quiver, and her eyes became glossy with tears. Before she could begin to cry, Addison had already made her way to the baby, taking her into her arms.

"Oh honey, it's okay," she said, smiling and bouncing Julia up and down as she cuddled her against her chest. She made funny faces and played with her daughter's little fingers, causing Julia to erupt in a fit of giggles.

Derek set the camera onto its tripod, pointing it at them just in case anything spectacular happened, before he went over to Addison and Julia. "How's my big little girl?" he inquired, tickling her tummy.

"I think she's okay after surviving her big fall," Addison answered as she listened to Julia's laughter increase in volume.

"Good. She's strong, just like her mommy," he wrapped his arm around Addison and ran his hand up and down her side.

"That she is," she said, leaning over to kiss the corner of his mouth. "Oh, and wasn't that a bit oxymoronic back there, honey? '_Big_ little girl?'" she raised her eyebrow at him.

Derek rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Well, our little Jules is turning one tomorrow," he said, taking the baby into his arms and balancing her on his slightly bent legs stretched out in front of him. "Yes, you are…But you'll always be Daddy's little girl."

Suddenly, the melodious sound of the doorbell rang just as Julia laughed and reached out to press her hands against Derek's cheeks.

"I'll get it," Addison said, giving her two favorite people each a kiss before she stood and went to answer the door.

Once Addison was out of the room, Julia turned her head from side to side, searching for her mother. She carefully climbed off of Derek's lap and stood next to him as she held onto his arm. She walked around his back, keeping her hands on his shirt so she wouldn't fall. Ending at his other side, Julia squatted and leaned her arms on Derek's leg with her little bottom up sticking out. She looked up at him, her eyes full of curiosity.

"Mommy will be back soon, sweetie," Derek told her, laughing as he gently tightened one of her ponytails.

Addison came back into the room with a large box in hand, letting it rest on the back of the couch. "Look whose present just came," she said excitedly as she examined the sides of the box.

Carefully, Julia pushed herself to stand on her two little legs and made her way across the room, one small step at a time. Her pace varied, going from slow to fast and back again. She ended at her mother's feet, her tiny arms wrapping around Addison's leg.

"Just a minute, Jules. Mommy's going to—," she stopped mid-sentence upon realizing what just happened and looked down at her little girl before glancing back over at Derek. "Did she just…"

Her voice trailed off, the answer made obvious by the stupid grin on Derek's face. She smiled brightly and set the box for Julia's play gym on the cushions of the couch before kneeling down next to her daughter.

She took Julia's hands and kissed them softly, making the baby smile and laugh as it always did. "Can you show Mommy how you walk?" she asked in a singsong voice. "Go back to Daddy, sweetie. Go on."

"Come here, Jules," he said, holding out his arms. "Come on."

Not a moment later, their little girl walked briskly to Derek, running straight into his loving arms. He hugged her and then lifted her up into the air, eliciting small squeals from Julia as she kicked her legs around and laughed.

Addison quickly joined them, sitting down beside Derek as she watched him play with their daughter. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his shoulder, a smile playing on her face as she listened to their peels of laughter.

The three of them were a family living an almost perfect life. As with everybody, things weren't always going to be exactly the way they wanted it, but as long as they were together, that didn't matter. They were happy and had people who loved them more than anything, living in a home that was everything they could ever wish for.


End file.
